A Twist of Fate
by Lady Elara
Summary: One of the hardest things for humans to do is to admit that we're wrong and forgive the hurt. It's even harder when we don't get that chance. But sometimes fate can deal us a second chance in a way we never would have seen coming.
1. Chapter 1

It was just an ordinary Sunday when they got the news. Nothing would have indicated the sadness that was about to come. It was just nearing 10am when the phone it Willow's apartment rang. She glanced at the number. It was vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place it as she answered. "Hello?"

The voice that answered had a distinctly British accent. "Hello. Willow?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"I don't know if you'll remember me, but my name is James Harring. I'm a member of the Devon coven. We met several years ago when you were here."

A vague light clicked in Willow's memory. She was surprised. It was rare that the coven contacted her, and when they did, they usually asked Giles to make the call. "Of course, James. What can do for you?"

The man on the other end didn't immediately answer. It was rather clear that he was reluctant to say what he had to. After a moment, he took an audible breath and answered. "Actually, I'm calling to tell you that Rupert Giles has left the Earthly plain."

Willow's eyes went wide with shock as her muscles completely gave way. It was all she could do to keep the phone pressed to her ear and remain standing long enough to move the few steps to a chair before she collapsed. "What? When, how?"

James sighed. "Sometime last night, we believe. He was found this morning in his bed. Our best guess is he went to sleep yesterday like normal, and just never woke up. Rather a peaceful way to go, if you think about it." The last part seemed to be added as an attempt at comfort. It did little to alleviate the shock coursing through Willow's body.

It was a moment before she could form a coherent sentence. "So...what now?"

"Well, we're planning on holding his funeral next Wednesday. We would be honored if you could attend. Also, we know that he had many friends and associates there in the States. We would appreciate it if you could pass on the news to them, expressing our condolences and inviting all who wish to attend the ceremony."

Willow nodded automatically, forgetting the man was several hundred miles away. "Alright. I'll arrange the flight over this afternoon. James..." she choked on the words. "Thank... thank you for calling. I really appreciate it."

"Of course. I look forward to seeing you in a few days. I only wish it were under happier circumstances."

"I know. See you in a few days." She hung up the phone and sat there in silence for a while. After a moment, she realized that if she was going to get anything accomplished, she'd better get to work before reality began to sink in.

She noted that her hands were shaking a bit as she picked up the phone. She may have been well over 60, but her hands were almost always perfectly steady. She dialed without hardly thinking about the number. After a couple of rings, a male voice answered. "Hey Will. What's up?"

She took a breath and thought what to say. If she said it out loud, she risked losing her grip and reality coming smacking her in the face. 'Not yet. Just a few more minutes.' "Hey Xander. Um, could you meet me over at Buffy and Dawn's?"

Xander could hear in her voice that something was up. "Willow, are you alright? What's going on?"

"I'm ok. I...I can't tell you right now. Just please meet me there?"

"Alright. I'll be there in a couple of minutes. Don't worry, I'm sure that everything will be alright, no matter what."

They hung up and both headed to the Summers home. Willow got there first and knocked on the door as she walked in. "Hello. Anyone home?"

Joyce, Buffy's 20 year old daughter (named for Buffy's mother), poked her head around a corner. "Hey Aunt Willow. Mom and Aunt Dawn are up stairs." She cocked her head, noticing her aunt's agitated appearance. "Are you ok? What's going on?"

Willow walked over and gave the young woman a hug. "I'm fine. I'll explain when Uncle Xander gets here." Pulling back, she steps over to the stairs. "Hey Buffy, Dawn, could you two come down for a little while?"

"Hey Will. Sure, be down in a minute." Buffy called.

A short time later, the two older Summers girls came down and Xander arrived a moment later. They all gathered in the living room. "Ok Willow, what's going on? You seemed on the verge of wigging out on the phone, and quite honestly, you LOOK like you're barely hanging on."

Willow was sitting on the couch, the shaking getting worse and worse as the time to admit reality came closer and closer. "Well, just before I called you, I got a call from James Harring."

"James Harring? Isn't that that one friend of yours from the Devon coven?" Dawn asked. "What did he say that's got you so rattled?"

"He... he was calling to give me some news." The others remained quiet and tense as she took a deep breath. "Giles...passed away in his sleep sometime last night."

There was near perfect silence for a few moments, and a single tear slipped down Willow's cheek. Just as she suspected, saying the words brought the reality of the situation crashing down on her. Her shaking became stronger, and the tears began to flow.

It was only a short time before reality sank in for the others. Joy and Dawn joined Willow in tears. Xander did his best to comfort the distraught women while quietly dealing with his own grief. The four held each other, murmuring quiet words to try and sooth, while feeling little comfort themselves.

Only Buffy seemed to remain nearly untouched by the sadness that soaked the room. She sat quietly by herself, staring off into the distance as if lost in her own world. Though she didn't appear to be happy, she certainly didn't look like a person who had just heard the news that the man she had once considered a father was dead.

Eventually, the others were able to pull themselves together. When Willow was finally able to speak, her voice was weak but steady. "James said they're planning the funeral for Wednesday. I haven't called the airlines yet. We should probably do that. The sooner we can get out there... And James asked if I could spread the word here in the States..."

Dawn put a hand on her shoulder when it seemed that Willow was about to start going off the deep end. "Ok, just take a breath. You call the airport. The rest of us can take care of getting the word out, alright?"

Willow managed a small smile. "Thanks, Dawnie. I'll let you know when I can get us a flight out. There's so much to do, and so little time..."


	2. Chapter 2

The next couple of days were a flurry of telephone calls and packing as word was spread, plans were made, and bags were packed for the trip across the pond. The only person who seemed mostly untouched by all the activity was Buffy. Still seeming to hold the grudge she had for over thirty years, she refused several times to join them in going to England.

"Mom, come on. I know that you and Grandpa hadn't spoken since before I was born, but the two of you used to be so close. Can't you put aside whatever the problem was between the two of you for just a couple of days, just to say goodbye to him?" Joy begged.

Buffy sighed, closing her eyes. "Hunny, it's not that simple. Maybe someday you'll understand, but it's something that's hard to explain."

Joy just gave an exasperated sigh and went to do some more work. She felt deeply that her mother was wrong and being stupidly stubborn. Joy knew that Buffy would probably regret her decision later, but she had learned over the years that when Buffy set her mind to something, there was nothing that anyone could do to change her.

Buffy stuck by her decision through to the end. As Dawn was walking out the door to go to the airport Tuesday morning, she turned over her shoulder to give her older sister one last chance. "You know, Buffy, it's not too late. Joy and I can wait a few minutes for you to go pack so you can come along."

Buffy just sighed with frustration. "I'm not going Dawn. I've said it at least a million times."

Dawn turned away, opened the door and stopped halfway out, not looking back. "You know, if the situation was reversed, nothing would have stopped him from coming to say goodbye to you one last time." Having said her piece, Dawn walked out, closing the door behind her.

Buffy stood there, too stunned and emotionally confused to move for several minutes. She had been so certain in her view of the world, that having it challenged in a way that, deep down, she had to admit was most likely true, stung.

But shortly, Buffy shook off the feelings. Her decision had been made, and she just had to live with it now. No use playing what if games.

A short time later, Dawn and Joy meet Xander and Willow at the airport. "Hey girls. We've got about a half an hour before our flight. You ready?" Willow greeted.

"Yup. Just have to check our bags. Maybe we can go sit in the cafe for a while after?" Joy replied.

"Sure, better than sitting on a plain," Xander commented.

"So, Buffy still refusing to come?" Willow's tone was sad, but not entirely surprised.

Dawn's face darkened a shade. "Yes. I tried one last time as I was walking out the door, but still no luck." She shook her head. "She's just so pig-headedly stubborn."

Xander and Willow gave small smiles. "Yeah, that's our Buffy. Sometimes it it's a good thing, but in this case..."

Joy and Dawn nodded. "Right. Oh well, we tried. That was all we could do."

Willow put her arm around the younger woman. "At least we'll be there to say goodbye. He won't be sent off completely alone."


	3. Chapter 3

NOTE: If you are at all bored by ceremony or easily offended by 'alternate' religions, please feel free to either skim or skip this chapter. You won't miss too much. You have been warned, so no complaining or flaming, please.

Also, I'm a Christian who just happens to be interested in Wicca and other pagan religions. I put this together from "Grimoire for the Green Witch: A Complete Book of Shadows" by Ann Moura and 'A Wiccan Funeral Ritual' by Samuel Wagner (.). If anything I said is inaccurate, please let me know, and I may change it. Thank you.

The quartet arrived in England Tuesday afternoon and were settled into their hotel by supper time. Any other trip, it probably would have been a great opportunity for site seeing. But none of them were feeling like going out and about, so they just stayed in.

The next morning, they all got dressed in their best and went out to the hall where the first part of the funeral was to be held. They were slightly surprised at how many people were actually there. Some of them they knew, especially Willow who had spent more time than any of her friends here.

One pair, however, was very familiar to the Scoobies. A young man in his early twenties with wild brown hair and an elderly black man with a small white goatee. When the men spotted them, they walked over. The brunette met Willow first and gently wrapped her in a hug. "Hey Willow. How are you all holding up?"

She returned his hug and smiled a bit. "Hi Angel. We're doing alright. I think we've been too busy the last few days to get too down."

Xander turned to the man behind Angel. "Didn't expect to see you here, Gunn."

He smiled a bit and shrugged. "Well, I'd met Giles a few times. He was a good man, figured I'd come pay my respects to one of our own. Besides," a glint shone in his eye. "Somebody had to come take care of the old man." He looked at Angel as the others chuckled a bit.

After a moment, Angel shrugged. "Well, you all look like time's been good to you." He reached out and caught a strip of Willow's hair, the front inch or two of which had turned white, in his fingers and gave a light tug. "I've got to say, I like the Rouge look you've got going."

Willow smiled as he dropped the hair. "Thank you. Buffy's joked a couple times about the Bride of Frankenstein."

Angel looked around the room, searching for someone or something. "Speaking of, is she here?"

The Scoobies' faces all darkened. "No. We couldn't talk her into coming. Not for lack of trying," Dawn groused.

Angel shook his head and sighed. "She always was pretty stubborn. But if it hasn't yet, I'd bet that this'll hit her eventually."

Joy nodded. "Yeah. She's been pretty quiet the last few days. I'm actually a little worried about her, but maybe these couple days alone will do her some good."

Gunn gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Don't worry, kid. You and your mom got more than just looks in common. You're both pretty tough. I'm sure in the long run she'll be fine."

There wasn't much more time for chat as the priest rang a bell, signaling the start of the ceremony. There was a large circle marked off with black cord laid on the ground, candles at the compass points and a sort of alter at the north head.

Giles was laid out on a long piece of linen on a table in front of the alter. Everyone had to admit that he looked good. Several years seemed to have melted away, and he looked so peaceful laying there.

The ceremony started with the priestess sweeping out the circle in a clockwise direction, then returned and placed the broom back at the altar. "As I sweep, let all dark forces be chased away by this broom so that this Circle may be clear for our work."

Taking a lighter, she lit incense and the white candles that were placed on the altar and the priest rang the bell three times. "As we prepare to cast the Circle, I freely stand inside to greet the Lady and the Lord."

She took the central candle and started going clockwise around the circle, lighting the candles at each point, starting at the north. At each point, she said a little invocation. "We call upon the Earth at the North to strengthen the Circle. We call upon the Air at the East to enliven the Circle. We call upon the Fire at the South to warm the Circle. We call upon the Water at the West to cleanse the circle. We call upon the Light illuminate the Circle."

Placing the candle back in its holder, she picked up the athame. "I hold this blade before the Lady and the Lord so they may bless our work." Lowering the blade, she walked around the boarder of the circle. "This is the boundary of the Circle, all around me as a sphere, cast and consecrated to the Lady and Lord. This Circle is charged by the powers of the Ancient Ones. Only love may enter, and only love may leave."

She returned to the altar and touched the tip of the blade into a bowel of salt while the priest struck the bell three more times. "Salt is life and purity. I bless this salt to be used in this Circle by the power of the Lady and Lord" She used the blade to put three scoops of salt in a bowel of water. "Let this blessed salt purify the water that it may be blessed to use in this Circle. By the Lady and the Lord, this water is cleansed." She walked around the circle again, sprinkling the water. "I consecrate this Circle in the name of the Lady and the Lord. Let it be purified and sealed. So mote it be."

Nearing the end of the casing, she put the water back on the altar and picked up the incense, making the circuit of the boarder one more time. "With the aroma of incense we honor and welcome our visitors, both seen and unseen." Symbolically cutting a door in the circle, she took the hand of the priest, who had been standing outside the Circle, and pulled him inside. He in turn took the hand of the next person and pulled them in, and so on and so forth until everyone was inside the Circle.

The priestess then resealed the door and picked up her wand and began to invoke the elements. "I call upon the Earth to attend and guard this Circle, for as we have a body and strength, we are kith and kin. I call upon the Air to attend and guard this Circle, for as we breath and think, we are kith and kin. I call upon the Fire to attend and guard this Circle, for as we have energy and drive, and consume life to live, we are kith and kin. I call upon the Water to attend and guard this Circle, for as we have emotions and our hearts beat, we are kith and kin."

She placed the wand on the altar and picked the athame up again, holding it directly overhead. "Hail to the Elements of the Four Quarters! Welcome Lady and Lord to this Circle. We stand between the worlds with love and power all around."

The bell rings three more times and then the priestess addressed the gathered mourners. "We gather here today to bid farewell to Rupert Giles. We remember our times together, the bitter and the sweet, for life has both pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Let us release the negative and hold tightly to the positive."

The priest lit one of the two remaining candles on the altar. "Like the flame of his candle, the memory of Rupert will light up our hearts and our minds." He then turned to address the others. "Come forward now, if you wish, and speak of your dead. Tell him what you need to and help him journey on."

Almost everyone in the group took their turn to step forward the altar. Some spoke aloud in quiet voices while others simply stood there in silence. When it came to their turn, the gang went up one at a time. Willow was first. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "I owe you more than I could ever repay. If it hadn't been for you... I don't know what would have happened to me. You pulled me from the darkness and helped me regain my life. I love you, and I'm going to miss you." She leaned over to kiss him, as many before had. "Give my love to Tara if you see her." With a shaky smile, she stepped away.

Xander was next. He gave an awkward chuckle. "I'm not used to this kind of thing... But I just want to say that... If it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would know what it really is to be a man. I mean, you were more of a dad to me than my own father..." Not knowing what else to say, he just walked away.

Dawn stepped up. "We made it through a lot of tough times in the past. You were there for me and Buffy when we needed help, even when our relatives weren't." She sighed. "I'm sorry Buffy didn't come. It's torn me up these last few decades that the two of you weren't speaking. I guess you were both just too proud. And I know I said it before, but I really want you to know that I understand why you did it. It wasn't anything against that slayer. You and Faith were doing what you had to to protect the world. Rest in peace." She ran her hand slowly down his face, then stepped back.

Finally, it was Joy's turn. "I wish I could have spent more time with you, Grandpa. I always loved hearing stories and it was great when we could be together. I just wish I knew what happened between you and Mom." She shook her head. "Don't worry about her, though. We'll take care of her." She bent and kissed him.

To the Scoobies's shock, Angel stepped forward to take a turn. "I hope you know how truly sorry I am for all the troubles between us over the years. But I've always respected your strength and determination and how you always tried your best to protect those you cared about. You were a good man, and the world is a little darker now that you're gone."

When everyone had taken their turn, the priestess began wrapping Giles' body in the linen he was laying on while the priest went around the circle snuffing the candles one by one as he dismissed the elements. "The sun will rise again. Life continues on. Love is all that we can be sure of. Only the Mother is eternal."

When the priestess was finished wrapping the shroud, she lit the only candle that had remained unlit the entire time. It was left to burn as everyone left the circle.

There was about an hour before the second part of the funeral, so the gang went out to a coffee shop to talk. "Well, that was just slightly awkward. I mean, funerals are always a bit ooky, but... I don't know. I guess I', just not used to anything like that."

Willow shrugged. "Every religion has its own way of dealing with death. Wicca isn't any different. Of course, as far as I know, Wicca is one of the few religions that doesn't really have a set form for funerary services. But I liked this one, at least so far. We'll see what the rest is like."

"Have you been to many Wiccan funerals?" Gunn asked.

Willow gave a small smile. "A few. More in the last few years, but I guess that's what happens when you start getting old. Everyone you know starts dying."

Angel glanced at his watch. "Well, I guess we'd best be heading to the cemetery. We don't want to be late."

When everyone was at the cemetery, the priestess did a shortened version of the circle casting. When that was finished, they moved on to the burial.

The priestess started. "We welcome the spirits of the Ancestors and the honored dead not yet reborn. We welcome the Ancestors to incarnate in our children and grandchildren and our families. We welcome our own deaths and our lives."

Gile's body, still wrapped in the linen shroud, was lowered gently into the grave. After, some bread was dropped in on top of him and a small amount of water poured into the grave. "Great Lady and Great Lord, give rest and refreshment to Rupert that he may be brought into your love and journey again through the Cauldron of Life. Death is a transition, moving from Underworld for repose into Summerland for refreshment until the next incarnation. This time is not sad, for the spirit is renewed and communicates with those who have gone before and those who remain in the physical realms of Middleworld. We remember our loved ones, but they remember us as will, visiting when needed or called upon, aiding us in this life and standing by us in our transition to the next. So mote it be."

The priest finished. "Farewell, dear Rupert as you take your journey of passing. Our love and blessings take with you to your rest. May you soon rejoin the Dance of Life." She picked up a handful of dirt and tossed it into the grave. All the guests did likewise, then slowly left to go back to the hall for the wake.

After the food was served, the priestess stood to give the blessing. "We acknowledge our needs and give thanks to that which sustains us. May we always remember the blessings of the Lady and the Lord. This food is the blessing of the Lady and the Lord given to us. As we have received, may we offer food for the body, mind, and spirit of those who ask it of us. As we enjoy these gifts from the Lady and Lord, may we remember that without Them we would have nothing. So mote it be."

The next several hours were spent eating, drinking and reminiscing over memories of Giles. It was generally a happy time, but with the slight tinge of sadness that accompanies any death. It was only reluctantly that the last of the guests left as the hour grew late to return to their hotels.

As they stood in the parking lot ready to park, Willow gave Angel a careful hug. "Don't be such a stranger. It's nice to keep in touch with old friends."

Angel smiled. "Yeah, it is. You take care of Buffy for me, alright? I'm sure it'll just be a matter of time before she completely loses it."

"Don't worry, we will. We'll let you know if there's anything that you can do."

Hugs and handshakes and smaller goodbyes, then they separated to go their own ways. But before the Scoobies could get far, an older gentleman came up to them. "Forgive me, but may I have a word for just a moment?"

They all stop and turn to look at the man. They recognized him from being at the funeral. "Sure. Can we help you?"

The man smiled. "Perhaps. My name is Eric Donaldson. Rupert and I knew each other... " he gave a short chuckle. "For more years than we'd probably like to admit. He made me executer of his will. Knowing you're from America, I assume that you will most likely be returning home soon?"

Joy spoke up. "Yes. The day after tomorrow. I just got engaged a couple weeks ago, and my fiancé is only giving me a couple months to pull the wedding together."

Eric raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well, I'm sure Rupert would have been thrilled by the news. Congratulations and best wishes from the both of us. Well then, I won't keep you longer than necessary." He coughed a bit and straightened his shirt before continuing. He faced Willow first. "If I am not mistaken, you are Miss Willow?"

Willow's eyebrows raised just a fraction. "I am."

Eric nodded. "Well, Rupert has left a large portion of his... more occult possessions to you. I'm afraid that I haven't had time yet to go through everything and sort it out, but if you wish, I can arrange to have everything boxed and shipped to you once I complete the inventory."

Willow nodded. "Thank you. That would be very helpful."

Eric bowed his head. "Not at all. Mr. Xander, Rupert left you a small arsenal of weaponry. Several of the items are rather fine pieces." He smiled. "I don't think they are exactly the sort of thing that would be very easy to get through air port security and customs. Again, I can arrange to have your things shipped to you."

Xander nodded and Eric turned to the last two girls. "As for you, Miss Dawn and Miss Joy, the old boy left you both rather an assortment of things. I have a list in my car if you wish. If you would like, we can arrange for you to either pick up your items or I can have them dropped off at your hotel before you leave. Or I can ship them with the rest if you would rather."

Aunt and niece regarded each other for a moment. "If it's all the same to you, I think it'd just be easier to have you ship the stuff," Dawn answered.

Eric smiled. "Very well. Just one more thing, then. I would like to ask a favor of you, if I may."

"And what would that be?"

Eric frowned a tad. "Well... You are the family of Miss Buffy Summers, correct?"

"Well, yes. Why?"

"You see, Rupert left her a few things, but from what he told me over the years, and the little that I happened to overhear of your conversation with the other two gentlemen, I fear that she may not yet be ready to receive them. I was wondering if I may ship her items to you and leave to your discretion to give them to her when you feel she is ready?"

"Oh! Um yeah. Sure, we can do that. No problem."

Eric smiled again. "Thank you. I'll make sure that everything is sorted and labeled so you know what belongs to whom. Well, it was a pleasure meeting you all. I know it's not the Wiccan way to mourn the death of a person, but I really am sorry for your loss. Merry part. May the Lady and the Lord bless you all and bring you peace."

Xander and Dawn were a little too confused by the last line to respond. Joy wasn't exactly sure what to reply, so she just smiled and bowed her head. It was Willow (of course) who knew the best reply. "Merry part. May they bless you as well."

With a final bow, Eric went to his car and left. The Scoobies weren't too far behind, heading to their hotel. The rest of their time in England was spent in repacking and a small amount of sightseeing before returning home.

The same day her friends and family were attending a funeral in another country, Buffy was sitting home alone, lost in her own thoughts. She felt a bit guilty not being there with them, but she had made her decision and had to stand by it now.

She went out to get the mail that day, like every other day, but she would get a shock when she saw one of the letters. Sitting down at her desk, she sorted through the mail and came across one that was addressed to her from someone in England. Her face crunched in confusion. "England? Who would be writing _me_ from England?"

She opened the envelope and pulled out the contents. She found that it held a letter, and the letter was wrapped around a second envelope with nothing on it but her name in a script that she recognized but could not place.

Setting aside the second envelope, she read the letter.

Dear Miss Buffy,

My name is Eric Donaldson. I have been a close friend of Rupert Giles for many years now. He often spoke of you and your family. I always got the impression that he was rather saddened at the course of events that tore the two of you apart.

Years ago, he left this note in my possession, asking me to send it to you should anything happen to him. I have never opened it, and so have no idea as to its contents. I hope that, whatever it may hold, it will bring comfort to you and help you to move on during what I'm sure must be a difficult time for you.

If there is anything that I can ever do for you, all you need do is contact me either by mail or phone.

Yours in the Lady and Lord,

Eric Donaldson.

Buffy's eyes widened a bit as she read the letter. Who was this guy, and what did he know about her relationship with Giles? And speaking of the old man, what could he tell her in a letter that she would be interested in hearing after all these years?

...And yet, something deep inside her was warring with these thoughts, trying to convince her to open and read his letter. What harm could there be in seeing what he had to say? After all, he had taken the time to write it and make sure that it would make its way to her.

In the end, she decided to do nothing with it for now. She took and shoved it in a box under her bed where it would be safe enough. If she ever made up her mind to read it, she would know where to find it. If not... Well, it wasn't in the way there.


	4. Chapter 4

The next month and a half were extremely busy, at least for the women of the family. There were plans to make, dresses to buy, decorations to make, and dozens of other preparations to be made. Little mention was made of Giles, at least not when Buffy was around. A large shipment arrived at Willow's house a few weeks after the funeral. She made sure that everything got to where it was supposed to go, but put the box of things for Buffy away in a closet.

Buffy never mentioned the letter to anyone. She still wasn't sure what she was going to do about it. She'd had very little to do with him for the last thirty years, but as they got deeper and deeper into the wedding planning, she found herself longing deep inside for the man who had at one time been like a father to her.

The rest of the gang had no idea what was going on with her, but they could tell something was up. Instead of being happy and diving headlong into wedding planning, Buffy was quiet and seemed rather introverted at times. Eventually, Joy confronted her.

"Mom, are you alright?"

Buffy looked up at her daughter with wide, innocent eyes. "Of course, Sweetie. Why you ask?"

Joy shrugged. "I don't know. You...just don't seem very happy lately. Are you worried about the wedding? You know you're not going to lose me, right?"

Buffy smiled. "Of course I know that. I wouldn't let you. And I'm not worried about the wedding. I think you two are rushing a bit from engagement to wedding, but as long as you're happy, that's all that matters."

Joy still wasn't convinced. "Mom, are you sure? I don't want to do anything to upset you..."

Buffy pulled her into a hug. "Don't you worry about me. I'm just getting old. When you get old, you start turning into an maple tree." When Joy gave her a confused look, Buffy smiled. "Full of sap."

Joy smiled indulgently and rolled her eyes at her mother's lame joke. "Very funny Mom. And you're not that old."

Buffy gave her a sad smile. "Baby, I'm a slayer well over the age of 25. I'm ANCIENT."

Joy shook her head. "Sure sure. But seriously, are you sure you're alright?"

"I'll be fine. You just worry about yourself. You've got about six months of work to do in only two months."

Joy wasn't entirely convinced, but she decided to let it go. She knew how stubborn her mother was. If she didn't want to tell her what was wrong, there was nothing she would be able to do to change her mind.

Willow, on the other hand, wasn't so willing to let things go. A few days later, she got Buffy cornered on her own. "Alright Buffy. What's going on? And don't try giving me that line that you gave Joy. I'm just as old as you are, so I know that that can't be the only thing that's bothering you."

Buffy stared at her for a little while, then sighed. "Alright, fine. There's more to it than that..."

Willow grabbed her gently but firmly by the arm and led her to the couch and pulled her down. "Buffy, what's wrong? We've been friends most of our lives, and literally been through Hell and back together. Whatever it is, you know you can talk to me."

Buffy stared at her again for a while, then looked away. Taking a deep breath, she finally decided to confess. "While you all were over in England... I got a letter in the mail."

Willows eyebrows knit together. "Really? Who was it from?"

"Well, the outside letter was from a guy named Eric Donaldson."

"Eric? What was he writing to you about?"

"Not a whole lot. He was mostly just the deliverer. His letter was wrapped around another letter."

"And who was the second letter from?"

Buffy didn't answer for a moment, then she looked Willow in the eye. "Giles."

Willow's eyes widened a bit. "Wow, really? I had no idea he had written to you. What did he have to say?"

Buffy looked down a bit, almost too embarrassed to admit the truth. "Well, I... I don't know."

Willow looked majorly confused. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

Buffy sighed. "I mean, I never opened to envelope. I mean, I didn't throw it out or anything, I just put the whole deal in a box and shoved it under my bed. I just... I just couldn't open it. After all these years..."

Willow sort of understood what she was talking about, but that didn't mean that she agreed with any of it. "Alright. Well, if that's the case, why are you so worked up over it now? I mean, I assume that's what's got you acting so wiggy lately."

Buffy scrunched her face a bit. "Yeah, sorta. I mean, that's at least part of the deal. I mean, I've been sorta confused about the letter since I got it, and lately, with all the wedding planning and that... I don't know. I've barely even thought of him all this time, and now... I find myself wishing he was here again at least once a day."

Willow gave her a sympathetic smile and squeezed her shoulder. "I get it. I've felt the same way off and on." They were quiet for a moment, then Willow sighed. "Look Buffy, I can't tell you what to do, but I know if it were me, I'd want to know what he wrote. In the end, the choice is yours." With another gentle squeeze, Willow stood and left.

Buffy sat there alone in silent contemplation for a while. Eventually, she made her way up to her room, nearly without any conscious thought. She reached under her bed and pulled out the box the letter was in and sat it on the bedside table before sitting on the bed herself.

She just sat there and stared at it for the longest time, pulled between wanting to read the letter and wanting to remain in the dark. Eventually, her hands started moving almost of their own accord, and she pulled the lid off the box. Setting it aside, she pulled out the envelope and removed Eric's letter.

Pulling out the contents of the envelope, she set Eric's letter and the outside envelope on the table next to the box. She just sat there and stared at her name in the familiar handwriting before slowly sliding one finger under the flap and tearing it open.

At first she just stared at the writing, seeing the shapes but not the words. After a few moments, she took a deep breath and started to read.

**My dearest Buffy,**

**If you are reading this letter, it means I have passed on without having had the chance to talk to you again. You have no idea how truly sorry for this I am.**

**I realize that most of the troubles between us have been of my own making, and there hasn't been a day in all these years that I haven't regretted it. There are so many things I would change if I could, but that is a power that no human possesses. I just hope that you will one day understand that I never meant to hurt you. Everything I did I thought was for the best, even when it broke my heart to do it.**

**Even though they were painful, I cherish the few times that I have been able to see you since our separation, even if the only reason we were in the same room was for Joy's sake. She reminds me so much of the girl you were and could have been at her age. I am grateful for the time I've had with her. She is a very special girl, and I hope you realize that. I think you do.**

**Buffy, my reason for writing this letter to you is to try and explain in a few written words what I've wanted to tell you for years, but have been too afraid to attempt; why I did the things I did.**

**I knew the Cruciamentum was a cruel, barbaric and archaic practice, but at the time, I didn't feel like I had any choice. I hated giving you those injections, and it hurt me more than you can imagine seeing you so ill. If I had been braver, I could have stopped it long before it got as far as it did. I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to stand up to the Council. I may have lost my job, but you were the one who truly suffered.**

**When I left California, I swear I thought it was the only option that I had. It was killing me to see you wasting your life away, leaning on me for everything. As much as I cared for you, like any parent, I wanted you to stand on your own two feet. I know now, I might have been able to do it in a different way, one that wouldn't have hurt you as deeply, but at the time, leaving you completely seemed like the only possible option. But I never completely abandoned you. I kept an eye on things through Willow, and if there were ever a time you would have truly needed me, I would have been there in a heartbeat and done whatever I could to help you.**

**As for killing Genevieve Savidge and working with Faith, as distasteful as I found it at times, it was a necessary evil. I never enjoy destroying another life, but sometimes, in the greater scheme of things, one has to sacrifice an individual to save all.**

**I know you and Faith never got along, and I can't say that I entirely blame you. But she has changed so much since we first met her. True, her personality still leaves a bit to be desired at times, but she is much more human now.**

**Maybe if I had been braver and or smarter, none of the troubles between us would have happened. But it's no use to second guess what could have been. All we can do is live with what is, and try to move on. I hope that you can forgive me for my weakness. I am, after all, only human.**

**The last thing I want you to know is something that I should have told you a long time ago. If I wasn't so "British" as you children put it, maybe I would have. Quentin Travers was correct about at least one thing. I love you, Buffy. I always have. You are the daughter that I never had. Through all the years and all the distances, that one thing has remained true. I am so proud of the woman that you have become.**

**Best wishes, with all my heart**

**Rupert Giles**

Buffy sat there in shock, reading and rereading the letter over and over, particularly the last two paragraphs. If she was to let herself admit it, she had always known, deep down, that he had loved her. But when she had been angry with him and hurt by him, she had forced that knowledge into the farthest, darkest reaches of her mind.

She sat there silently for the longest time, but eventually the tears started to flow, a single tear becoming two, then four, and so on till she had duel rivers flowing down her cheeks. Clutching the letter to her chest, she rolled on her side and curled up on the bed, finally giving vent to the grief she hadn't let herself feel since learning of Giles' death.

After a few minutes, she could make out footsteps coming up the stair and down the hall, stopping in front on her door, then a knock. "Buffy? Are you alright?" Dawn called from the other side.

Unable to answer, Buffy just lay there sobbing. The door opened and in walked her sister and daughter Seeing her so upset, they ran the last few feet to her side. Dawn pulled her into a sitting position and sat by her side holding her while Joy knelt on the floor at her mother's feet. "Mama, what's wrong?"

Buffy managed to calm herself a bit, but still not enough to speak, so she just handed the letter down to Joy.

The young woman took the paper, and after reading the first little bit, her eyes went wide. Dawn looked at her questioningly. "What is it?"

Joy looked up at her aunt. "It's from Grandpa Giles."

Dawn's eyes went wide and her jaw popped open. "What? What does it say?"

Joy read it out loud, Dawn listening quietly, Buffy ignoring it for the most part, not emotionally ready to hear it again. When Joy was done, she dropped the paper to her lap. "Wow. I guess I sort of understand some stuff now..." She shook her head, then looked at her mother. "Where did you get this, Mom?"

Taking a couple deep breaths, Buffy was finally able to speak. "It came in the mail while you guys were in England. I... I just wasn't sure I wanted to read it, so I put it away in the box." She looked at the box still on the bedside table.

A small light of understanding clicked in Joy's eyes. "Ahh, that's what was bugging you lately."

Buffy gave a small smile and nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry, Sweety, but you were fairly easy to brush off. Willow wasn't quite so easy to convince. She got to me admit the truth, got me thinking about it again..." She thought for a moment, trying to put the events together in her head. "I don't even think I consciously decided anything. All I knew was that I was coming up here, and pulling out the letter. I just sat there looking at it for a while before I could actually focus enough to read..."

Joy took her mother's hands in hers while Dawn gave her a squeeze. "Are you alright?"

Buffy gave a slightly manic laugh. "I don't know. I'm just ... so confused right now. I mean, do you know how long I've wanted to hear those words? I never realized just how much they would mean to me. But now... I just don't know. I mean, I wish I had known all this years ago. I wish I hadn't been such a dang fool all this time. I just..."With a frustrated sigh, she shrugged, fresh tears springing to her eyes.

Dawn rubbed her shoulders. "Hey hey. Buffy, it's alright. Everything's going to be ok. Listen, you just do what you need to do, alright? I'm sure we can manage wedding planning for right now. You do what you need to do to get things figured out. We'll be here for you."

Buffy smiled at Dawn, then gave Joy a questioning look. Joy answered with a reassuring smile of her own. "Aunt Dawn's right, Mom. We can deal. It'll be at least another week or two before we'll absolutely need you. I just want you to be happy again."

Buffy smiled, pulling her sister and daughter into a group hug. "I love you two."

After a little more talk, Joy and Dawn left Buffy alone to try and figure things out. It took a while, but eventually, Buffy decided that earlier when she had tried to think things through, it hadn't turned out so well. Instead, she just decided to let go and let her instincts guide her.

Trying not to over think what she was doing, she headed downstairs to the office and sat at the desk. Letting her hand float, it came to rest on the phone book. "A phone book? Really? Who could I need to call in Connecticut that I don't already know the number for?"

Shrugging she picked it up and decided to try just flipping through with her eyes closed and seeing where instinct told her to stop. Without looking, she picked up the book and letting the pages flip. When she stopped, she set the book down and let her finger scan across the page to find out what number she was supposed to call.

When she finally found it, she opened her eyes to see where she had stopped. She gave a bit of a snort. "The airport, huh? Alright. I think I get the hint. Let's see... What town was he buried in again?"


	5. Chapter 5

Ok, so this chapter is the one that's closest based off of "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from 'Phantom of the Opera'. Also, this is a slightly rewritten chapter, posted on 12/10/10, so if you haven't read it, it may be worth a look. Thank you.

Two days later, Buffy found herself staying in the same hotel her family had been in almost two months ago. It felt a bit strange to be there. She hadn't been in England in probably 20 years. And it was going to feel even stranger for her where she was going to be going.

The day after arriving, she got in her rented car and headed out to a quiet cemetery. Parking outside the fence, she got out and walked up to the entrance. With her hand on the gate, she closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths to steel her nerves.

Would she be able to do this? At one time, he had been one of the most important things in her world. Looking back, one of the only ways she had gotten through their separation was knowing that, even though she never talked to him, he was still alive somewhere. How could her world hold together when she was faced with the final evidence that this was no longer true?

With one more deep breath, Buffy stepped in the gate and started walking slowly through the grounds. As she looked around, she couldn't help but feel that it was completely out of place for where she would go to look for Giles, unless, of course, he was hunting.

Of course, being British, he had always had more of a taste for classical things than Buffy. But this place, with its giant mausoleums, towering trees, magnificent statues and elegant headstones, seemed far too imposing and cold for a man who, once she had gotten to know him, had always seemed warm and kind.

Using the directions Willow had given her, she found Giles' headstone. It reminded her of the more elegant stones that she had seen in her many years of prowling through American grave yards, though in this place, it was comparatively rather small and plain. She slowed down when she was within sight of it, taking her time to reach the end of her journey.

Reaching the side of the grave, Buffy paused for a moment, then slowly sank to her knees. She sat there quietly for a moment, feeling a little awkward, not really knowing what to do. Reaching out, she brushed some stray dirt off the stone. Letting her hand collapse back to her lap, she let out a sigh. "Oh Giles. I...If only I could have you here for even just a few minutes... Just to hear your voice one more time..."

Buffy didn't notice the ethereal movement off to the side, maybe fifty feet from her, and might not have noticed the girl that appeared had she not spoken. "Well, I'm not Giles, but will I do?"

Instinctually, Buffy jumped to her feet, pulling out the stake she had carved last night. It took a moment, but eventually she recognized the young woman in Civil War era clothing. "Lucy Hanover? You of all people should know better than to sneak up on a slayer, even if you are a ghost," she admonished.

Lucy looked slightly ashamed. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't mean frighten you."

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she lowered the stake.

Lucy simply smiled at Buffy. "I've been waiting for you, Buffy. We've suspected for a while now that you would end up here, and I've been keeping watch."

Buffy was still confused. "Who's 'we'?"

"Myself and Giles, of course. We've been keeping an eye on your whole family."

Buffy looked around, as if searching for someone else. "So, if he's been watching too, where is he?"

Lucy's face became a bit sad and sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Buffy. He wanted to be here more than anything. But unfortunately, he's not able to come to this plane right now."

Buffy's forehead scrunched. "What do you mean, he can't come to this plane right now?"

"I mean that he isn't able to leave the land of the dead. But don't worry. He's perfectly alright. I can't explain to you know, but you'll understand eventually." Lucy smiled. "Giles did ask me to deliver a message for him. He knows that you've read his letter and wants you to know that he meant every word, particularly the last paragraph."

Buffy blushed a little bit. It was one thing for her friends and family to know what had been in the letter. They had all known him and, except for Joy, had known what had gone on between her and Giles. But the thought that maybe Lucy knew it all too..." He...told you what he wrote?"

Lucy shrugged. "A little. I mean, he didn't go into details, but I got the general idea." She gave Buffy a sympathetic smile. "No need to look so self conscious. You know that I work on the Ghost Roads. I also keep an eye on the mortal world, particularly watching over slayers and others in our trade. I already pretty much knew what had happened. But he really does love you. You have no idea how much it broke his hear to see you in pain."

While Buffy stood there, her eyes lowered, trying to keep from breaking down again right there in the cemetery, Lucy's gaze became distant, as if she was focusing on something that only she could see. When her eyes returned to Buffy, there was just a hint of an apology in them. "I'm sorry, Buffy, but i have to leave now. Is there anything else I can tell you?"

Buffy thought for a moment before answering. "No. I think I'll be alright." Then she cocked her head a bit, lowering her eyes a notch. "But ummmm, could you do me a favor?"

"Of course Buffy. If it's in my power."

"Well, you can see Giles, right? Talk to him?" Lucy nodded. "Could... could you tell him that we all miss him. That we love him? And... I'm sorry for everything."

Lucy gave her a knowing smile. "Of course. I'm sure he already knows, but he'll like hearing it anyway. Until next time, Buffy. Take care."

"I will. Thank you Lucy." Buffy watched as the ghost of the other slayer disappeared back to the Ghost Roads. She sat there for another moment, then remembered the bag she had brought with her. Kneeling again, she picked it up and pulled out the contents. She had stopped by a local florist and picked up a bouquet of roses of assorted colors: Red for love, pink for admiration, white for purity of emotion, yellow for friendship and a new beginning, and, of course, the black of a sad farewell. Pressing them gently to her face, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of the flowers.

With a small smile, she opened her eyes again and placed the bouquet in front of the stone. "I brought these for you. I know it's not much, but it's about all I can do now, unfortunately. Thank you for sending Lucy. I really would have liked to be able to talk to you face to face, but she was an good substitute. And I know I told her to tell you, but I want to tell you myself too. I'm so, so sorry for wasting all those years. In your letter, you tried to take all the blame for it yourself, but we both know that's not true. I majorly overreacted to everything that happened, and I was so pig headed and stubborn, I couldn't see the truth even when it was staring me in the face.

"you know, I used to have dreams that we were together again. Especially when I was stressing. Of course, it never helped much. Usually just stressed me more and made it harder to deal with what I had to."

Buffy sighed, a tear glistening in the corner of her eye. She wiped it away forcefully. "No. I've wasted too many years crying over the past. It's time to let it go now. I have to have the strength to say goodbye.

"I know I haven't shown it for a long, long time, but I love you. I always have, deep down. I guess I sort of always knew that. That's probably why I never made a big deal out of you and Joy spending time together. " She sat there for a moment, not really knowing what else to say, though she felt like there was so much inside her wanting to be expressed.

Eventually, she just sighed and straightened the flowers. "I suppose I'd best be going. If you didn't know, Joy's getting married in about a month. They all said they could manage things without me for a while, but I'll be happier once I get back home to help. I wish you could be there. She's going to be such a beautiful bride." She pressed her fingers to her lips, kissing them, then pressed them to the cool stone marker. Standing, she kept her fingers in contact with the surface for as long as possible. "Good bye, Giles. Watch out for Mom and Tara. We'll see you all on the other side eventually." Trailing her fingers along the top edge of the headstone one final time, she turned away and left the cemetery.

Though there was still sadness in her, she felt much happier and more content than she had in a long time. Talking to Lucy had been very reassuring, though she still was rather confused by some of what the spirit had told her. But Buffy figured that staying here wasn't going to get her answers any better than going home would. She couldn't wait to get back to her family.


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy went home three days after her encounter in the cemetery. Even though she threw herself into final wedding preparations, she still couldn't get Lucy's words out of her head. What was going on with Giles on the other side? Why wasn't he allowed to come to the mortal realm, even for just a few minutes to talk to her? It didn't make any sense to her. She may have been able to let it go, but not with Lucy's assurance that she would understand eventually. How was she supposed to understand? Every time she tried to make sense of it all, she felt like she was missing vital information.

She spent an entire month in a semi-distracted daze because of the mystery. She had done her best to explain it to the others, but they were just as confused as she was. They, however, weren't as bothered by it. Joy was far too busy, Willow stood by Lucy that they would understand eventually, when the time was right, and Xander and Dawn were backing her.

It was the end of July, almost exactly two weeks before the wedding. Buffy was home alone, keeping herself busy at home with last minute detail sorting. It was one of the few times that she could actually keep herself from thinking too hard about everything else. She looked up from her note pad when she heard the front door slam. A moment later, Joy came storming into the office. "Ah, Joy. Good, I needed to talk to you. The organist called to say that something came up and she isn't going to be able to play for the wedding, but she recommended a friend of hers that she says is just as good. I got a hold of him, and he said that he would be happy to do it. I told him that I had to talk to you first, but I honestly think it's a great deal. I don't think we're going to be able to get anyone else at this short notice." Her head was such a whirl that she didn't notice how upset her daughter was.

"Call him back and tell him to forget it," Joy snapped.

Buffy was majorly confused. "What? Why, Hunny? I mean, if you really want, I suppose we can call around, but I really don't think..."

"Call everyone. Cancel everything. The wedding's off!" Tears began to flow from her eyes.

Realization finally began to sink in. "Off? Why?" She pulled the younger girl into a hug. "Come here Baby. Tell me what happened."

Joy wrapped her arms around her mother and began to sob, too upset to talk. Buffy just held her, letting her cry herself out while she murmured quiet words of comfort. When Joy finally calmed down, she explained. "I just found out that Chad's been cheating on me."

Buffy's eyes went wide. "What! Who, how long?"

Joy sniffed. "I don't know who she is. Just some little red headed slut that walked up to me today in the shop while he was off in a different department. She said that they'd been together for almost a year. That they'd even..."her words choked off and she stared up into her mother's eyes. "The day we got engaged, Mom. They were together the night that he asked me to marry him!" She buried her face in Buffy's shoulder and began sobbing again.

Buffy, for her part, was somewhere between deep space and Vesuvius. She was in shock from the news, but at the same time, she was on the verge of blowing her top. To keep herself together, she just held Joy. "It's alright, Sweety. It's alright. It's better you found out now than after it was too late." She pulled Joy back a little. "Hey, if you want, I can go track them down and... take care of them for you." The cock of her eyebrows showed she was joking, but in the back of her mind, she was actually considering it.

Joy gave a short chuckle and hugged Buffy tight. "Thanks Mom, but I don't think they're worth it. I think I'm going to go lay down for a little while."

"Alright. I'll be here if you want me. And don't worry about a thing. We'll take care of it."

"Thanks Mom. I love you."

"I love you too." They gave each other quick kisses on the cheeks, then Joy went upstairs to her room. Buffy watched her go, then stood there for a few minutes. With a sigh, she walked over and sat down at the desk and picked up the phone. It rang three times before it was answered. "Hey Will. It's Buffy."

"Hey Buffy. Is something wrong? You sound a little butt wiped."

Buffy chuckled a little. "Yeah, a bit. Say, are Dawn and Xander there?"

"Yeah. Dawn was just getting ready to head home."

"Can you put me on speaker? It'll just be easier to tell you all at once."

"Sure, one minute." There was some voices and muffled noise from the other end. "Alright, you're on. What's going on?"

Buffy sighed. "Well, Joy just came home, and she was in pretty rough shape."

"Is she alright? What happened?" Dawn demanded.

"Well, physically she's fine. I think she's going to be pretty messed up, emotionally for a while. She just found out today that Chad's been cheating on her for a year."

"What? Is she sure? I mean, I don't mean to imply she'd lie about something like that, but is there any way that she could be mistaken?" Willow questioned.

Buffy sighed. "No, pretty sure it's true. She said the other woman came up to her in the store this afternoon and told her."

"My god. Is she ok?"

"I think so. She cried quite a bit, but she seemed a bit calmer when she went up stairs. She said she was going to lay down for a while. I think she just wants to be alone for a while."

"Well, I was going to stop by the store on the way home, but I think I'll come straight back..."

"No Dawn, it's fine. She'll probably be up there for a while. I wasn't planning on bothering her until supper time. We'll probably have to drag her out to eat."

Willow piped up. "Maybe I'll come along. We can have a post-break up girls night."

"Sure, sounds like a great idea. I'll come along too," Xander added.

All the girls started laughing. "I don't think that would be a very good idea Xand. Post-break up girl nights are full of junk food, chick flicks and LOTS of man bashing. You'd be totally out of place."

Xander gave an uncomfortable cough. "Ahum, maybe I'll just go back to my place. I think there were a couple good sci-fi movies on tonight..."

The girls laughed again. "That's fine, Xander. You have a fun night by yourself. Maybe tomorrow we can do something as a whole family, if Joy's feeling up to it."

"Sounds like a plan. She's going to need all the support and love we can give her for a while. Buffy, give us about an hour and we'll be home, ok?"

"Sounds good. Why don't you pick up some snacks while you're out. You know, anything fatty, chocolaty and/or cheesy."

Dawn chuckled. "Got it. Might stop by the movie rental place and pick up a few good ones."

"It's a plan. I'll see you when you get here." Buffy hung up the phone and set to work calling to cancel wedding plans and let the few guests know.

About an hour later, Willow and Dawn arrived at the Summers house with arms full of junk food and videos. Willow also carried a small overnight bag. "I figured this would probably end up being an all night chick fest, so I just figured I'd stay here, if that's alright?"

Buffy smiled. "Of course. You know you're always welcome to stay here. Why don't you girls get unpacked and get the living room ready, and I'll go see if I can pry Joy out of her room." She headed upstairs and knocked gently on her daughter's door. "Joy? It's me. Can I come in?"

She heard some muffled groaning, a sniff and the squeak of a mattress as Joy apparently woke up and rolled over. "Sure Mom. Door's open," came the sleepy reply.

Buffy opened the door and went in. "Hey Sweety. Your aunts are downstairs setting up for an all night girl fest. Wanna come down and join?"

Joy stretched a bit, her face scrunching in confusion. "Girl fest?"

"Yeah, you know: chick flicks, junk food. I think I saw several bags of chips and a couple bags of chocolates. We can order in some pizzas. Should be lots of fun."

Joy smiled a bit. "Don't think I don't know what you women are trying to do. But I'll go along with it. I guess I can't wallow up here forever, can I?"

Buffy smiled. "No you can't. We won't let you. Why don't you get comfy and head down stairs. I'll go get changed and meet you, alright?

Joy sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "Alright. Say, can we get pizza from Morellie's?"

Buffy chuckled. "Sure, Hun. I think we've got enough Tums in the medicine cabinet. Just check with the other two when you go down." With a last smile, she walked out and headed to her own room to slip into a pair of pajamas before going back downstairs.

They spent the rest of the day and well into the early morning hours watching break up movies, eating pizza, chips & dip, candy and other assorted junk, drinking gallons of milk and liters of soda. They eventually all ended up passing out in different positions in the living room.

None of them woke up until about mid afternoon when Xander came over. The door was still locked, but he knew where the spare key was kept, so he let himself in and found the four girls sprawled all over, wrapped in blankets with the remainders of their snacks scattered around. "Well, looks like you had a wild night last night," he chuckled as he walked in.

They all jumped and looked to see who it was. "Uuunnng. 'Morning, Xander."

He snorted. "Morning? Girls, it's almost 1 in the afternoon. I was starting to wonder if you had forgotten about including me in today, so I decided to come over. Now I see you forgot everything, including getting up."

"Well, we were up pretty late last night. I think I finally dozed off around 3 this morning, about the time 'Princess Bride' was finishing."

Xander looked around at the damage. "Well, I tell you girls what. How about you all go upstairs, do whatever it is that women do to get themselves ready, I'll clean up this mess, then we can figure out what we want to do today, assuming you're feeling up to doing anything."

The girls all gave sleepy chuckles and they untangled themselves from their covers. "Oh, I think quick showers and something to eat, and we should be up and around."

It took a day or two, but eventually Joy came around. And if Buffy had realized it, she was starting to forget about her encounter with Lucy. She still thought about it every once in a while, but she wasn't obsessing hardly at all anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

Over the next couple of weeks, the gang did their best to try and help Joy get over her pain and anger. The anger eventually began to fade, but the pain was still there, though dulled. Joy knew it was something that she would probably never get completely over. She would just have to learn to live with the feelings and move on.

About two and a half weeks after the wedding was canceled, Joy was starting to worry about her health. She had been feeling sick on and off for a while now, but had just been passing it off as stress. But she knew enough that too much stress can be bad for you, and her symptoms just weren't going away.

Sitting in the Dr. Connalie's office, the doctor had just finished a very thorough exam and was now doing work on the computer. Completing her work, she turned to Joy. "Well, it's sort of a good news/bad news deal, depending on how you look at it. The good news is, I wasn't able to find anything seriously wrong with you. The bad news, then, is that I still have no idea what's causing your symptoms. I know you said you've had a very rough last few months, so it very well could be stress, like you suspect. But just to be safe, I'd like to run some blood tests. There are some conditions that aren't detectable with a physical exam."

Joy sat their quietly for a moment. "Alright. Well, thank you Dr. Connalie."

"Ok. I'll put the orders in the computer right now, so you can head down. We'll call you with the results in a couple of days."

Leaving the doctor's office, Joy went down to the lab. After checking in, she sat and waited to be called back by one of the techs. She wasn't very fond of needles, so she spent the time with her eyes closed, taking slow, deep breaths to try and calm her already frayed nerves.

"Joyce Summers?" one of the techs called from the door.

Joy opened her eyes and stood. "Here."

The tech gave her a friendly smile. "Come on back." She led joy into the lab and sat her on a bench nest to a table. "Alright, just give me a minute here… can I get your full name and birthday?"

"Joyce Summers, November 20, 2024."

"Alright. Let me just get a few things here…" Joy watched as the tech pulled several clear tubes with different colored rubber tops, some gauze pads, a rubber tourniquet, a band aid, and lastly, a needle with a tube adapter that sent shivers down Joy's spine. The tech noticed this and gave Joy a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, most people aren't too fond of the needles." She sat it down on the table, then took some of the gauze and placed it over the top so Joy didn't have to look at it. "Alright, can I have you rest your arm on the table here?" When Joy did, the tech took the tourniquet and wrapped it around Joy's arm, just above the elbow. "Can you make a fist?" Joy did and the tech felt at her elbow. Finding what she was looking for, she pulled out an alcohol wipe and opened it, then started wiping down the inside of Joy's elbow. "Alright. why don't you look away and just focus on taking some deep breaths, alright?"

Joy didn't need to be told twice. "Ok. Let me know when it's over."

The tech chuckled as she covertly set to work. "So, if I'm right, you're twenty, right?"

Normally, Joy would have been weirded out by this small talk, but she was too worked up to really care. "Yeah."

"I see. So did you go to high school here?"

"Uh huh. I've lived here pretty much all my life. My family's from California, but they moved around a lot before settling here."

"Wow, interesting. Well, all done, Dear."

Joy turned to look and saw that the tech was pressing a piece of gauze to her arm, the once empty tubes were now full of blood, and the needle was nowhere in sight. "Wow! That was amazing. I didn't even feel it."

The tech just smiled. "See, it's not so bad if you don't think about it." She placed the band aid over the gauze and gave Joy's arm a gentle pat. "We'll get these into the lab, and your doctor will call you in a few days with the results."

"Thank you. Have a good day." Joy stood and gathered her things to leave.

The next couple of days were rather stressful for her, though she tried to hide it from her loved ones. They knew that she was having test done, but she didn't want them to feel her worry. She didn't want them to be concerned if it all ended up being nothing. And if the tests did come back bad…. well, there'd be plenty of time for anxiety then.

She was sitting at home reading a book in the den when the phone rang. She threw the marker in the pages and jumped to answer it. "I've got it!" she called as she picked up the receiver. "Hello. Summers residence."

"Hello. May I speak to Joyce Summers please," a female voice asked on the other end.

"Speaking."

"This is Karen. I'm the nurse for Dr. Connalie. I'm calling with your test results."

Joy sat quietly and listened as the nurse explained everything, then thanked her and hung up. For a moment, she was in too much shock o do anything be sit there. Gaining just a bare amount of control over herself, she got up and walked out to the kitchen where Buffy was sitting at the table looking through some cook books.

Hearing footsteps, Buffy looked up and saw Joy standing just inside the doorway with a dead look on her face and her arms laid over her belly. Buffy could feel her stomach start to tie itself in knots, but she kept her outer appearance calm. If there was something wrong, Joy was going to need her support, not her loss of control. "Hi Sweety. Who was that on the phone?"

Joy's voice was just as bad as her appearance. "Dr. Connalie's nurse. She was calling with my test results."

Buffy took a deep breath to keep herself steady. "Really? Did they find anything?"

Joy just stood there for a few moments, not saying anything or even moving. Eventually, she took a deep breath and spoke. "Mama….. I'm pregnant."

Buffy's mind was blank for a second, then a wave of relief swept across her. Pregnant? Was that all? That was nothing compared to the horrors that had been plaguing Buffy's mind the last several days. She couldn't believe how light she felt in just a few seconds.

But she knew that this reaction wouldn't help Joy right now, so she kept her relief bottled up. Instead, she pulled out the chair next to her and held out her arms. "Come here Baby. Come sit with me."

Joy shuffled over, sat in the chair and leaned into her mother. The feelings finally began to register with her, and she broke down crying. Buffy just held her, rocking back and forth murmuring soothing words.

After a while, Joy was able to calm down and Buffy gently pushed her back to arms length. "So, you've got a choice to make here. Do you know what you want to do?"

Joy shook her head. "I…. I don't know. It's just…. all so quick. I'm so confused."

Buffy rubbed Joy's arms. "I know. I know, Sweety. So, let's take and break this down. Do you want to get an abortion?" Buffy really didn't like this option, but if that was really what her daughter wanted, she wasn't going to stop her, so she kept the disgust out of her voice as best she could.

Of course, she needn't have worried. Joy's response was immediate and very fervent. "No! Never." Her arms dropped unconsciously back to her belly, as if to protect the child she had just learned was growing there.

Buffy smiled in relief and gave Joy a hug. "Alright. Alright. That's completely fine. So, that leaves two other options: do you want to keep the baby or do you want to give it for adoption?"

Joy just sat there for a moment, calmer now but still overwhelmed. "I don't know. I just don't know," she shook her head back and forth. "I mean, I never planned on being a mother, at least not right now. And I CERTAINLY never planned on being a mother all on my own.

"Ok. That's fine. Since you are so against option A, you've got a few months to decide. But I just want you to know, no matter what choice you make, you aren't going to be alone."

Joy looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I won't raise the kid for you, but I'll always be willing to help. You'll have me and Willow and Dawn to help you. Do you really think we'd let you do it all by yourself?"

Joy smiled. "Thanks Mom. I love you."

Buffy returned the smile. "I love you too. Now, your other dilemma… Are you going to tell Chad or not?" A thought struck her just then. "Chad… _is_ the father, isn't he?"

Joy looked slightly insulted. "Of course he is. I'm not like him."

Buffy got minor guilt-face. "Sorry. Just had to make sure. So, are you going to tell him?"

Joy sighed, slumping a bit. "I don't know. I mean, part of me says that it's his child too and he has the right to know, but….." she trailed off.

After a pause, Buffy prodded her on. "But?"

Joy looked down, seeming rather embarrassed. "The rest of me is saying that after all the shit he pulled that he doesn't deserve anything, and I should just screw him. And if I do keep this baby, I don't want him to have anything to do with it."

Buffy chuckled. "Well, that's up to you. I won't say one way or the other there. But just always remember that we'll always be here for you."

Joy leaned into Buffy and the two just sat there holding each other for a while. A few minutes later, they were interrupted by Dawn coming in. She got about half way in, then stopped and stared at them for a moment. "What's going on? Is everything alright?"

Buffy looked up at her sister, then down at her daughter, waiting for her to answer. "Yeah, Aunt Dawn. Everything's ok. I just found out…..I'm pregnant."

Dawn was stunned for a moment. "Oh! Wow…. So, what are you going to do?" She walked over and joined the other two at the table.

Joy shook her head with a small, tired smile. "Not a clue yet. I just found out about fifteen minutes ago. My head is still kinda spinning."

Dawn gave a single chuckle. "I bet. Well, whatever you decide, we're here for you."

"Yeah, I know. Mom already told me that."

"And you'll probably hear it again from Willow, and maybe Xander, when they get here later."

She did, but she was glad to hear it. She knew that, no matter what, she would have the support of her family. It made the whole thing that much easier to deal with. That still didn't mean that she knew what she wanted to do just yet….


	8. Chapter 8

Three months had passed since the almost wedding. It was now early afternoon of Thanksgiving day. Joy's emotions had been continuing their rollercoaster-like track. She had decided that she wanted to keep her baby, and since then, she had been a lot more relaxed about the situation.

But as the rest of the country had been getting excited about Thanksgiving, Joy had found herself not nearly as happy as she usually was for the holiday. Now, she was sitting alone in her room, just quietly staring out the window, lost in her own thoughts. She was always a rather contemplative child, but she seemed to sit and daydream a lot more lately.

She was slightly startled when there was a knock on her door. "Come in."

Buffy opened the door and stepped in. "Hey Hun. Willow and Xander will be here pretty soon. Ready to come down?"

Joy nodded. "Sure. I wasn't doing anything important."

Buffy could hear something in the tone of her voice. "Joy, are you alright? What's going on?"

Joy just sighed and glanced out the window. "Nothing, Mom. I'm fine."

Buffy wasn't remotely convinced. "Uh huh. Scoot over, Kiddo." Joy did, and Buffy squeezed in then pulled Joy onto her lap so that they were sitting comfortably together. She wrapped her arms around her daughter and rubbed her back. "Alright, why don't you tell me the truth." They were quiet for a second, then Buffy looked up into Joy's eyes. "You're thinking about your Grandpa, aren't you? Missing him."

Joy got a little guilt-face. "Well, yeah. He's part of it. I mean, it _is_ our first holiday since he died. It's kinda weird, ya know?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. But you said he was only part of it. What's the other part?"

Joy looked even more embarrassed. "Well, actually….. I was thinking about my father."

Buffy was confused. "Your father? But you never even knew your father."

"Yeah, I know. That's actually sort of the point. I never knew _my_ father, and now I'm going to bring a baby into the world that's not going to know _it's_ father either. I was just sort of…. wondering what my father was like, why he was never around. I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I understand if it's too painful for you to talk about."

Buffy sighed and hugged Joy closer. "No, it's alright. I knew this would come up sooner or later. He's your father, you have the right to know about him."

Joy furrowed her eyebrows. "If you don't mind talking about him, how come he's never been brought up before."

"Well, at first, you were too young to understand. After that…..well, we were doing just fine without any mention of him. He just never came up."

Joy nodded. "I guess that makes sense. So who was he?"

Buffy sat back, her eyes going out of focus as she remembered back over two decades. "It must have been…. 22, 23 years ago now. I had moved to Indiana to work for a while. His name was Donald Gordon. He was a local demon hunter. Preferred to work on his own, but we made a fairly decent team. He was good looking, a fairly nice guy. We just sort of clicked."

Joy smiled. "Did you think he was 'the one'?"

Buffy gave a derisive laugh. "Not by a long shot. I had given up on 'the one' a long time before that."

Joy's smile turned sly. She didn't say anything, but she knew all too well why her mother had given up and who for. "So, what happened?"

"Well, he had very set ideas about hunters having relationships. He felt that any sort of connection to any other living person was just another weapon that the enemy could use against you. Relationships with other hunters was acceptable, as long as you both understood that your relationship didn't come with any additional protection if you got into trouble."

Joy snorted. "Well, that's nice, isn't it? So romantic."

Buffy gave her a playful slap. "Hey, not all hunters are as family oriented as we are, alright. Anyway, this relationship thing also extends to children, of course. He never wanted to have any. That was fine with me, since I was already almost 40, and he was a few years older than I was. I figured taking care of your aunt Dawn after your grandma died was close enough to parenthood to satisfy me."

Joy looked a little down. "So, I wasn't planned, huh?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Well, of course not. But that doesn't mean that I ever loved you any less."

"So, if you didn't want kids, how did you get me? I mean, I know HOW, but…." She shivered a little, not wanting the graphic details.

Buffy chuckled, understanding exactly. "Well, like I said, I was 40, and he was a little older than me. And it's not like he was my first rodeo."

Now it was Joy's turn to laugh. "Nope, not by a long shot from what I've heard."

Buffy gave her a playful glare. "Anyway, I'd never gotten pregnant, even when I was in my prime, so we didn't figure that I _could_ get pregnant, so we weren't using any kind of protection or anything."

She thought for a moment before continuing. "Me with you was like you and this baby. I wasn't feeling all that well, went to the doctor and found out I was expecting you."

Joy smiled. "So, what did Donald Gordon say when you told him you were having his baby?"

Buffy looked a bit guilty. "Actually, I didn't tell him at first. I was so confused myself, I didn't know what I was going to do, except that, like you, I knew abortion was out of the question. It was…. about a week, I think, before I got up the courage to tell him. And when I did, at first I thought he was going to drop dead from a heart attack. When he calmed down, he told me that he wanted me to get rid of you." A vicious smile curled the corners of her mouth. "I soon told him my opinion of _that_ idea."

"Then what?"

"Well, once he got the message that his first opinion wasn't very well received, he gave me my other options."

"And they were…?"

"Either I go into temporary retirement until after you were born, then give you up for adoption, or else I retire permanently if I wanted to keep you."

Joy's face was a mask of disbelief. "Really? Wow, he didn't know you very well, did he?"

Buffy chuckled. "No. Not at all apparently. I was so ticked, I packed that night, and was on a flight out the next morning."

"Flight out, huh? Where'd you go?"

"Well, Willow was over in England at the time doing some work with Giles and the coven, and Xander was doing some military-type work down in Texas, so I went up to Montana to stay with Dawn."

"And you never heard from him again?"

"Nope, never did. And that was alright. I mean, look at what we've had all these years. I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I'm sure things will be just the same with you and your child."

Joy gave her mom a hug. "Thanks Mom. I love you."

"I love you too. Come on, Willow and Xander will be here any minute, and supper will be ready pretty soon. What do you say we head down stairs?"

Joy stood up. "Alright. I'll just clean up a bit and be right down."

Buffy stood up. "Alright, Dear. Don't take too long."

Later that evening, they were all sitting in the dining room, eating their dinner. Joy was in a little better spirits, but it was fairly obvious that she was still a little unwound. Buffy had given the others a heads up before Joy came down, and now Willow decided to step in. "You know, girls, I was looking into some of the sales they got going on tomorrow, and there are some that are pretty awesome. I was thinking that we should go camp out tonight and hit up the stores in the morning. I've even got a bit of a plan worked out for where to go and in which order."

Buffy and Dawn both smiled. "Sounds like fun. It's always a good time when you get to spend money on stuff. What do you think, Joy? Up for a little retail therapy?"

Joy looked up for a moment. Initially, she wanted to tell them that she really wasn't in the mood. But they all looked so happy, and she remembered past years of going Black Friday shopping with her mom and aunts. It had always been fun. "Alright, I guess. What time are we going to head out to camping?"

"Well, I figure that the first place we want to hit in the morning is going to be Callahan's, and they're closing at 10 tonight, so I figured if we get there by about 9:30, that'll give us time to get things unloaded and ready before we'll be allowed to set up our camp."

"Ok, so what are we going to need? Fresh clothes for the morning, snacks for tonight and tomorrow, tent, sleeping bags, lights, entertainment for tonight…." Dawn started making a mental list.

"Well, I've already got the tent loaded in the back of the car, and a bag with my clothes. I brought a few snacks, but we'll need more. You three will need your clothes and things. For entertainment, I was figuring cards, maybe a board game or two. You know, things that will be easy to pack up quickly and small enough for easy carrying."

Xander shook his head. "Personally, I think you girls are nuts. I mean, fighting the crowds and all that, fine, I get that women are shopaholics, though I don't get why. But camping in late November in Connecticut? You have got to be out of your minds."

The girls all looked at each other with smiles. "Well, Xander, if you would ever come camping with me, you would understand. But since you won't, you don't."

"Yeah, and I'm not about to start now. You ladies have your fun, and I'll maybe see you tomorrow evening, if you don't freeze or get trampled before then."

They just ignored his jibes and began discussing plans for the next day's activities, discussing which stores to go to in which order, what to try and buy there, places to avoid, when and if they should take any meal breaks. After they were done eating and everything had been cleaned and put away, they packed up what they were going to need and stashed it in the back of the car, ready for the fun.

That evening when they showed up at the store parking lot, there were already a few others there waiting to be able to take their places in the lineup. While they unpacked, they were getting some rather strange looks from the others. You could almost read their thoughts in their faces. 'What are these women doing out here?' 'Three old ladies and a pregnant chick? They have to be insanely masochistic to be sitting out here all night.' But the Scooby girls ignored the looks. They knew exactly what they were doing.

The looks got even more incredulous when they set up their tent: a small thing that looked like it would maybe fit one of them in, but there was no way that all three could fit. Once everything was set up, all three of them ducked into the tent, much to the shock of those watching.

Little did the onlookers know that inside, the little tent was much bigger than it looked. Willow had put a spell on it years ago that made it spacious enough for the three of them to camp in it in relative comfort. There was plenty of room for them all to stretch out and relax, and with a small electric heater and a spell to keep out the worst of the weather, it was plenty warm inside.

The night was spent in games and chat, with a few hours of sleep. The morning was filled with running from one store to the other, fighting their way through the crowds. The girls finally made it back home with their payload by late afternoon, happy but tired.


	9. Chapter 9

NOTE: I do not own the poem 'Spending Christmas in Heaven'

This chapter is based off the song "Where Are You, Christmas" by Faith Hill.

A couple of weeks later, it was December and the entire country was in full Christmas mode. One of the only exceptions was the Summers home. Holiday preparations were coming along, but not with the usual gusto. The tree was up, the house decorated, sometimes they watched Christmas movies that happened to be on TV, but there just seemed to be something missing this year. There wasn't the feelings of happiness that normally came with the season.

Joy was out at the mall finishing up her Christmas shopping. As she went from store to store, she watched her fellow shoppers going about their business. She almost envied them the happiness that she could see radiating off them.

Feeling a bit tired, she sat down on a bench and let her mind wander as she people watched. 'Why am I so out of it this year? I always loved Christmas, but I'm just not feeling it this year. Is it because of all the changes that have happened to me since spring? I've had to change my views and plans so much, even in just the last six months, does that mean that even things like Christmas, that I don't want to change, have to change too? Maybe it's not Christmas that's changed, but something in me.'

Thoughts like these continued to plague Joy while she finished her shopping and headed home. While she was in the car, she tried to shake off the feelings of sadness and confusion. She hated to let her family see her this unwound. It upset them deeply, and she hated being the cause of any distress.

Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Xander were sitting in the den visiting when Joy came home. "Hey Joy. Welcome home."

She walked in, carrying several bags. "Hey guys. What's shaking?"

"Nothing much. You look exhausted. Why don't you sit down and rest for a while?"

Joy smiled. "I'll be back down in a few. I've just got to get rid of these before noses start poking around." She gave her family playful glares, lingering longest on Dawn.

Dawn's hand flew to her chest, looking mock-shocked. "Me? Would I do something like that?"

Joy gave a sarcastic snort. "Sure sure. You just mind your business, and I'll be back in a couple." Turning, she headed upstairs to her room. She didn't even make it to the hall before a wave of melancholy swept over her. It had been happening quite a bit lately. She tried to pass it off to her family as fatigue and hormones from the pregnancy, but she wondered sometimes.

Her closet was rather stuffed, but there weren't any other places in the house that were quite as safe for present hiding. She had hidden birthday and Christmas presents in there for as long as she could remember, and until she could come up with a better place, she would keep hiding them there.

Digging back to the farthest corner of the closet, she found a box back there that she didn't remember. Sticking the newest presents in, she pulled the newly discovered box out, backed out of the closet and went over to her bed. Sitting down, she examined the box. It was a square box about 10 by 10 inches wrapped in rather plain paper. Seeing her name written on the wrapping and the words 'Do Not Open Till December', she all of a sudden recognized it as being one of the items Grandpa Giles had left her. She had shoved it in the closet after finding to avoid the temptation of opening it early.

She stared at it for a moment, debating what to do. Finally she shrugged. "Well, Grandpa, it's December." Pulling the paper off, she found a maroon box and a letter. Setting the box aside, she opened the note.

_My Dearest Joy,_

_I found this in a shop a few years back, and I thought it might be a comfort to you. I know from my own experience how difficult it can be to get through your first Christmas after losing a loved one. I've gone through it myself may times._

_I know that it isn't much, but I hope that the thought in it will help you realize that I'm not completely gone, just in another place. I'll be watching over you, and we'll be together again, someday when the time comes. Love never dies, and as long as you keep that love in your heart, Christmas, and those you care about will always be there inside you._

_Remember that I always loved you, and when you look at this, may it bring a little joy to you._

_Forever with you,_

_Grandpa Giles_

Joy wiped a tear from her eye as she read the note. Of course, it didn't tell her much that she hadn't already known, but it was still sweet, and unbelievable good to 'hear' his words after all these months. Setting the letter aside, she opened the box to see what it was. Inside was a brass ornament with white satin ribbon and a laminated piece of paper.

The ornament was an oval, about three inches wide and two inches tall. The outside edge was shaped like ivy leaves and the center was polished mirror smooth with the words 'I'm spending Christmas with Jesus this year' etched in it.

The paper was about eight inches long and two inches wide, ivory colored with a holly boarder. Printed down the middle was the full poem.

Merry Christmas From Heaven

I still hear the songs

I still see the lights

I still feel your love

On cold wintery nights

I still share you hopes

And all your cares

I'll even remind you

To please say your prayers

I just want to tell you

You still make me proud

You stand head and shoulders

Above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment

To stay in His grace

I came here before you

To help set your place

You don't have to be

Perfect all the time

He forgives you the slip

If you continue the climb

To my family and friends

Please be thankful today

I'm still close beside you

In a new special way

I love you all dearly

Now don't shed a tear

Cause I'm spending my

Christmas with Jesus this year

Joy lightly touched the paper, running her fingers over the words. Fresh tears were running down her cheeks, but she felt a new sense of peace seeming to be coming over her. She sat there quietly for several minutes, just staring down at the contents of the box. Then she picked up the letter that had accompanied it and headed back down to the den.

As soon as she walked in, her family could tell that something was up. "Are you alright, Sweety? What's going on?"

Joy smiled. "I'm fine, Mom. I just found something…. something from Grandpa, while I was in my closet." She held out the box and letter.

Buffy took them first, read the letter then the poem. Tears sprang to her eyes too as she handed the items off to Dawn, who was standing at her shoulder. Dawn, then Willow and finally Xander all had similar reactions.

Buffy was the first to find her voice. "You said you just found this? Where was it?"

"In the back of my closet. It was in the box of things that Grandpa left me, but it was wrapped and said not to open until December, so I hid it away so I wouldn't be tempted. Worked pretty well, because I completely forgot about it until I stumbled across it while I was putting the presents away."

Buffy stared at her daughter for a moment, then turned and took the box from Xander and handed it back to her. Joy smiled and pushed it away. "No, Mom. Grandpa may have left it to me, but the message is for all of us. The next to last paragraph says 'To my friends and family'. That's all of us, not just me."

Buffy looked thoughtful for a moment, then headed out to the living room, the others following close behind her. Walking over to a shelf near the tree, she propped the box up on it. "There, what do you think? That way, we can all see it whenever we want."

Joy gave her a hug. "Great idea Mom. It's perfect."

It's amazing, the change that just one little thing can make. That simple poem made a major impact on them, and their outlook was drastically changed. The Christmas spirit returned in full force to the house, and it ended up being a much better holiday than they had thought possible.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry this took so long to get up. Between writers block, RL and a not always reliable comp….. Hopefully it won't take as long for the next chapter.

The months seemed to fly by, and soon it was spring. Joy was due any day, and the entire family was starting to get a bit antsy. One particularly warm day, Joy was especially restless. It had been getting harder for her to get around at all lately, but today, she just was finding it hard to sit still. She hadn't been feeling right since she got up that morning. At first she thought perhaps she had slept wrong, but now she was starting to wonder.

She was sitting home alone that afternoon when she just couldn't take it anymore. "Guh! That's it. I've got to get out of here and take a walk or something before I go insane." Shoving herself off the couch, she put away the book she had been reading, grabbed a pen and paper, and left a quick note.

'Gone for a walk in the park. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Got my phone if you need me. Love Joy.' Sitting it where she knew it would be seen, she slipped on her jacket and headed out. Wandering down the road, she passed a small local park. She remembered going there when she was little, but she hadn't been there very often the last few years. With a smile, she turned in and started walking around the paths.

As Joy walked, she watched all the parents with their kids out enjoying the beautiful day. Smiling, her hand subconsciously went to her enormous belly. "Soon, Sweety. Soon it's going to be me and you out there playing."

Joy had been slowly exploring for a couple of hours, but it hadn't made her feel any better at all. If anything, she was actually feeling worse now than she had all day. Now, if her legs or feet had been hurting, that would have made sense to her. But the pain was increasing in her lower abdomen and back. She had no idea what was going on, but it was really starting to bother her.

Just as she was passing a bench, a particularly stiff cramp hit her. She stopped and used the bench to help steady herself. Standing there, Joy felt a leak of moisture between her legs, and suddenly, she knew what was going on. "Uh oh. Not good."

A woman was walking by and noticed the look on Joy's face. Stopping, she walked over to her. "Ma'am, are you alright?"

Joy shook her head. "Huh, Depends on your definition. I think I'm in labor."

The woman's eyes momentarily widened, but then she seemed to become all business. "Alright. Is there someone here with you? Husband, boyfriend…?"

Joy shook her head. "No. I live a little way from here. I walked down alone."

"Well, that might not have been the best decision you made. Alright, my name's Caroline McPherson, and I'm an EMT. My car's just a little way from here. Do you think you can walk that far, and I'll drive you to the hospital."

Joy nodded and stepped away from the bench. "Yeah, I think I can make it. Thank you so much. I'm Joy Summers, by the way."

Caroline smiled. "No problem. That's my job." She took Joy by the arm and started leading her over to one of the parking lots. "So, how far along are you Joy?"

"38 weeks."

Caroline nodded. "Alright. That's fine. Do you have any other children?"

"No, this is my first."

"Ok, well, congratulations. Any idea how long you've been in labor?"

"No idea. I haven't been feeling right all morning."

"Hmmm, alright. Well, this is my car right here." She opened the door and helped Joy into the car. Making her way around, Caroline already had her cell out before her butt hit the seat. "I'll just call the hospital and let them know I'm bringing you in, then you can borrow the phone to call someone to meet you there, alright?"

Joy smiled and held out her own phone, which she had just pulled from her pocket. "Thanks, but I've got my own." Flipping open her phone, she dialed the house number, crossing her fingers that someone would be home.

Thankfully, after just a couple rings, Buffy answered. "Joy, I was starting to worry. Are you alright? Where have you been?"

Joy couldn't help smiling. Even though she was about to be a mother herself, her mom still thought of her as a little kid. "I'm alright Mom. I went for a walk in the park. But, ummm, Mom… I need you to call the rest of the fam and meet me at the hospital."

Joy could hear the tension jump into Buffy's voice. "Hospital? Why? You said you were alright. What's going on?"

"Mom, calm down. Everything's alright. My water broke while I was in the park. I'm having the baby."

"WHAT! Ok, just stay where you are, I'll be there in just a couple of minutes to get you, don't worry, everything's going to be fine."

"No, Mom, you don't need to come get me. There just happened to be an EMT in the park. She saw me and she's giving me a ride to the hospital. We're already in the car. Just call the others and meet me there, alright?"

Buffy took a few deep breaths. "Ok. Alright. I can do that. We'll be there, don't worry."

"I'm not worried Mom. I love you. See you there." They hung up and Joy turned to Caroline just as she was hanging up with the hospital. "Got a hold of my mom. She's going to call the others and meet me there."

Caroline nodded as she put her phone away and started the car. "That's good. Just sit back and relax, we'll be there in just a little while."

The pair made small talk as they drove through the streets of town toward the hospital. When they got there, Caroline parked as close to the ER entrance as she could. "You wait here. I'll run in and grab a chair and bring it out for you."

Joy waved her off. "No, that's fine. I'm really not that bad, I can walk to the door."

Caroline put a gently restraining hand on her. "No you don't. For most women, this is one of the few times you'll get pampered. Sit back and enjoy." She smiled and hopped out of the car and headed in. Joy watched her go, smiling and shaking her head when the other woman was out of sight. Shortly, she came back out with a chair and pulled it up to Joy's door. Popping open the door, she motioned to the chair. "Your chariot awaits."

Joy eased herself out of the car and into the chair. "Ya know, you're starting to sound like the boyfriend or husband in one of those old chick flicks. It's really starting to get scary," she chuckled.

Caroline laughed. "Sorry. I've just found as an EMT that a little bit of playful over-dramatics can lighten a situation." She started pushing the chair into the ER.

"That's alright. I'm kind of used to it from my uncle. I'm just not as used to it from other people." Caroline pushes her up to the desk. "Hi. My name's Joyce Summers. My water broke about 15, 20 minutes ago."

The receptionist glances at her, up at Caroline, then at her computer. "Ah yes, can I get your date of birth?"

"November 20, 2024."

"Alright. Well, let's get you up to maternity and check you out, alright?"

Joy smiled at the receptionist, then turned to look at Caroline. "Thank you so much for bringing me. You can go now if you want to."

Caroline shook her head. "Nu uh, you ain't getting rid of me that fast. I'll just stick around till your family gets here, alright?"

Joy's face crumpled a bit before she could say anything as another contraction hit her. She took a deep breath, willing the pain away. "Fine. If you want to stay, you can."

Joy was hustled up to the maternity ward, changed into a hospital gown, hooked to monitors and given a quick exam. By the time the nurses were done, her family was just arriving. Buffy was in the front of the group, coming right to Joy's side in less than a second. "Sweety, are you alright?"

Joy smiled and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Mom. I'm fine. I was a little scared at first, but Caroline was great, and everything's good now. Really."

Buffy saw Joy's eyes flick over toward the door and a woman walking in. "You must be Caroline. I'm Buffy Summers, Joy's mom. Thank you so much for taking care of my little girl."

Caroline smiled. "No problem. Like I told Joy, it's my job. But, with that being said, I think I'll be off now. You all don't want a stranger butting in at a time like this. Congratulations and good luck." With a quick wave, the EMT was out the door again.

She wasn't gone thirty seconds before the Scoobies were turning back to Joy. "So have you seen the doctor yet? Do we know what's going on? Aren't you a little early?"

Joy sighed. She had to admit she had been a bit nervous too, but thanks to the nurses' reassurances and having some time to calm down, her family's panic seemed a little over the top. "No, I haven't seen a doctor yet, but the nurse gave me a thorough check over and said that everything is fine. I'm four centimeters already and seem to be going strong. As for being early, Dr. Connalie told me that even though it's rare for first time mothers, babies can come a couple of weeks early sometimes. But everything looked good on the last ultrasound. He seemed to be fully developed and everything, so they don't think there's any reason to worry."

Buffy took a deep breath and sighed. "I know, Baby. I'm sorry. But you know how it is, it doesn't matter how old you are, you'll still be my little girl, and I'm still going to worry about you."

Joy smiled and took her mother's hand. "I know, Mama. And I love you. But women have been having babies since the dawn of time. I think I'll be able to handle it just fine."

In a little while, they were able to settle in and relax as much as the situation and location permitted. To Joy, it seemed as if it took forever, but in all reality, it was less than ten hours before it was time for pushing. Joy had thought being a slayer would give her a bit of an advantage in labor and delivery, and she hadn't wanted to believe Buffy when she had told her that it didn't make a difference. Joy found, much to her disappointment that her mother, like she usually was, was all too right. But despite the lack of advantage, it still didn't take all that long before her son was out and in the world.

When Joy lay there holding her son in her arms, her family around her, it seemed as if the pain and grief of the last year just melted away…. Well, at least most of it. As she looked down at her baby, a few tears slipped from her eyes and dropped onto his cheeks. She sniffed a little and gently wiped the tears dry.

Willow placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Sweety, are you alright?"

Joy glanced up with a tremulous smile. "Yeah, I'm ok. Just missing Grandpa again."

Buffy brushed another stray tear from Joy's face. "Hey, you can bet that he would be proud of you and his new great grandson. And I'm sure he's watching over us from where ever he is."

Xander nodded his agreement. "You bet he is. By the way, have you decided what to name the little guy?"

Joy's smile turned more serene as she looked back to her son. "You know, I hadn't really made up my mind until I saw him. But I've decided. Robert Edward Summers."

Joy looked up to see her family's reactions and was surprised to see both her mother's and aunt's brows furrowed. "What? Is there something wrong with that name?"

Willow shook her head. "No, of course not, Sweety. I just wish I could remember why it sounds so familiar."

Buffy nodded in agreement. "I was thinking the same thing." She thought for another moment, then shook her head. "I guess Robert and Edward are both fairly common names. I mean, how many Bobs and Eds can you name?"

Willow didn't seem entirely convinced, but shrugged it off. "I guess you're right. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. Just so long as he's healthy, that's the main point."

Joy smiled down at little Bobby. "Yeah, and he's perfect." The words were barely out of her mouth when she yawned long and hard.

Buffy stood and took the baby from her arms. "Yes, he is. But you both need your sleep now. Good night Dear. We'll see you tomorrow."

Joy nodded, kissing her fingers before gently pressing them to Bobby's cheek. "Good night, Baby. Mommy loves you." She turned to the rest of the family. "Thanks, guys. Love you."

They all said their goodbyes and Buffy, Willow and Xander left, taking care of Bobby on the way out.


	11. Chapter 11

A couple days later, Joy and Bobby came home. The first few days were a little rough, but they eventually got settled into a routine and from then on, life was good. One day, Buffy was babysitting Bobby while Joy was out running some errands.

Buffy sat in the living room, the TV playing in the background, her grandson dozing in her arms. She was absentmindedly running her finger gently over the birthmark on his left arm. She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't even hear Willow come in.

"Hey, Buffy. I brought over that book you wanted. Had to do a little digging to find it." Willow noticed her old friend's preoccupation. "Buffy? Is everything ok? Is something wrong with Bobby?"

Buffy finally snapped out of it, and looked up at Willow. "Hmm? Oh, hi Willow. When did you come in?" She looked down at Bobby. "No, he's fine. Just resting right now."

Willow noticed Buffy's distracted rubbing of the baby's arm. "Worrying about that mark again?" She walked over and sat on the couch next to Buffy. "Look, the doctors all said it's completely harmless. Just a normal birthmark. True, it looks strange, but won't hurt him at all."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I know. But there's something about it that just….. I don't know. Every time I look at it, I get this strange feeling. Almost like de ja vu, ya know?"

Willow scrunched her forehead, and looked closer at the sleeping baby's arm. "Hmmm, you know, now that you mention it, I've had the same feelings. I usually try to ignore them, just cuz it's so strange. I think it has something to do with the shape. Like I've seen that shape before, but I don't know where."

Buffy nodded again. "Good, so I'm not the only one. I thought maybe I was just wigging out a bit or being a paranoid grandma…."

Willow gave her a mischievous smile. "You are a paranoid grandma. But in this case, your paranoia might be valid."

"Yeah, maybe. But let's not say anything to Joy. At least not until we know something for certain. She worries enough about him as it is. We don't need to add any more fuel to the fire unless it's necessary."

"I agree. I'll keep thinking about possible places we could have seen that shape and let you know if I come up with anything."

A couple days later, Willow was going through some of her old books to try and see if she could thin out her collection. She was flipping through one of the books when something caught her eye. She stopped and examined the page and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "Oh, my goddess."

Getting control of herself, she picked up the phone and dialed nearly on auto pilot. The phone rang a few times before being picked up on the other end. "Hey, Will. What's shakin'?"

Willow took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Well, I was just sorting through my books, and I think I came across something that I think you'll want to know."

Buffy was confused and concerned by the tone of Willow's voice. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

Willow sighed. "I'm not sure. Um, I was sorting through some of my books, deciding what to keep, what to get rid of, that sort of thing. Anyway, I was looking through one and I came across what I'm almost certain is the mark on Bobby's arm."

Buffy was shocked, to say the least, and it took her a moment to get her mind in order. "Wow. Ok, that's… good I guess. So, what is it?"

Willow sighed. "Well, Buffy, I hate to tell you this, but…. it's the Mark of Eyghon."

Buffy's shock increased 100 times. It was nearly a minute before she could find her voice. "Are…are you sure? I mean, we killed him decades ago, didn't we?"

"Yes, we did, and no, I'm not 100% sure. I'll bring the book over and we can compare the drawing to Bobby's mark. Then I'll be able to know for sure. If you're not busy, I can be there in just a few minutes and we can know for sure."

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Bobby and I'll be here."

A short time later, Willow let herself into the house. "I'm here!" she called out.

"In the den, Will."

She walked in and started to spread her stuff on the desk. She laid out a book, some tracing paper and a sharp pencil. "Ok, I've got everything we need. I think it'll be easier to trace the drawing from the book and then lay the tracing over Bobby's mark."

Buffy nods, bringing the baby over. "Ok, you want to make the sketch and I'll get the little guy ready?"

"Sure. It'll just take me a minute." She flipped open the book and grabbed a piece of the paper. Buffy looked over her shoulder as she started sketching.

"Huh, it's been so long, I forgot what it looked like. Sorta like a trident with a tail under the points." She looked at Bobby's arm as Willow finished the tracing.

"Yeah, kind of. Ok, finished. Hold him still. Hopefully his mark will be dark enough to show through the paper."

Buffy gently held Bobby's arm straight and the little baby held perfectly still, as if he understood that it was important for him to do so. Willow placed the paper over the spot, trying to line up the edges of his mark with the lines she had traced. It took a moment, but shortly, the two lined up leaving little doubt.

Both women looked at each other, neither entirely sure what to do or think. Finally, Buffy broke the silence. "So, what does this mean? I remember what the mark meant if you got it as a tattoo, but to be born with it..."

Willow shook her head. "I'm afraid I don't know. But I've got a few connections that might know more than I do. I'll put in a few calls and see if I can learn anything. For now, let's just keep this between you and me. There doesn't seem to be any effect from it yet that we can tell, so it's probably better not to go getting Joy worked up if we don't have to."

Buffy nodded her agreement. "Right. If she found out, she'd totally wig on us."

Willow put a gentle hand on her old friend's shoulder. "How about you? Are you going to get through this alright?"

Buffy forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah, I think I'll be alright. I mean, Giles had the mark, I had it, we both came out alright, right?"

Willow nodded. "Right." She looked at her watch and did some fast mental calculations. "Hmm, I can still get a couple of calls in today if I take off now. I'll let you know if I find out anything, alright? Sure you're going to be ok?"

Buffy nodded again. "Yeah, Wills, I'll be fine. Just keep me updated."

Willow left and as soon as she got home, she made a couple of phone calls to some of her contacts. It was a few days before she heard back from all of them, and when she did, their reply was both relieving and frustrating.

When she was over at the Summers' house the next day, Buffy covertly got her alone. "So? Any word yet?"

Willow sighed. "Yes. I heard back from the last of them yesterday."

Buffy's nerves were jumping. "And?"

"Well, good news and bad news. The good news is that they said as long as Bobby appears to be normal, then chances are that the mark doesn't really hold much if any power for him. Bad news is, beyond that speculation, we really don't know anything else."

Buffy sighed. "So we're pretty much back to square one."

"Sort of. But they all suggested that we just sit back and not make a big deal out of something that may turn out to be nothing. We just keep an eye on him to make sure that nothing does come up as he gets older."

"Alright. Sheesh, and I thought being a grandma was going to be easier than being a mom!"

"Mom! Aunt Willow. Where are you?" Before they had any more time for discussion, Joy came poking around the corner. "Oh, here you two are. I wondered where you had gotten off to. Why are you hiding in here?"

They tried to hide it as best they could, but Buffy could still feel guilt face showing through just a bit. "Hiding? Who's hiding. We certainly aren't, are we Willow?"

"Of course not. We were just coming out to join you."

They didn't get any more time for talking that day, and they forced all thoughts out of their minds because it was something they didn't really want to deal with. As long as Bobby was doing alright, they were happy to pretend he was 'normal'. 


End file.
